Best Texting Advice for Mature Daters

I want to reach as many podcast listeners as possible, and it helps the podcast tremendously to have Subscribers as well as honest Reviews and Ratings.

All I need you to do is:

1) Subscribe to Last First Date Radio on iTunes.*

2) Listen to the podcast, then leave an honest rating and review on iTunes.

* If you don’t already have an Apple iTunes account, you will need to create an account in order to subscribe and listen. Click the link below to download and install iTunes. 

https://www.apple.com/itunes/download/

You can also listen to/download the entire episode by clicking on the player below.

The No Nonsense Guide to Healthy Relationships After 40

Theresa Byrne has received more than 11 marriage proposals. What’s her secret? It’s actually not complicated. You can do it, too! Here’s how.

—

My friend and colleague, Theresa Byrne, has been proposed to over 11 times. What’s her secret? Is it because she’s smart? She’s beautiful? She’s successful? As you know, a lot of smart, successful, beautiful women struggle with finding lasting love. 

How Did Theresa Get Over 11 Marriage Proposals??

If you’re successful in all areas of your life, but you struggle to attract a quality man for a lasting, loving, amazing relationship, you must watch this video. Learn Theresa’s secrets to having men literally fall all over her. Eleven marriage proposals, men wanting her to move in, confessing their love for her.

What does she have that you don’t have? It’s not rocket science. She has some skills and standards that most women don’t have. And I guarantee that when you do what she reveals, you will have men show up for you in a whole new way.

You may not want to get married, but if you want to be cherished by the men you like, watch this now!

How She Got 11 Marriage Proposals!

There’s still time to join our course, Boundaries for Beautiful Relationships, and learn how to attract men effortlessly, just  like Theresa! Click on this link, and start attracting in the healthiest, most epic relationships of your life!

Do you have trouble distinguishing between your intuition and triggers? This could be what’s keeping you from true love. Check out this video to learn more.

—

If you have trouble distinguishing between your brilliant intuition and the triggers from your past, you’re listening to the wrong inner guide. This can be one of the key reasons you’re single. You’re being reactive instead of proactive in your love life. Many women who are dating after 40 are unknowingly shutting down their hearts to love by thinking that their triggers, which are based in fear and self-protection, are telling the truth. Your intuition, which is based in love and core values, is the real truth-teller, your guide to true love. I created a video to explain this further…

Confusing Intuition and Triggers in Dating and Relationships

What’s the difference between intuition and triggers?

Intuition: Our intuition comes from aligning with our core values. It’s pulled from past knowledge and experience, and its purpose is to help us be true to ourselves.

Triggers: Our triggers come from fear, self-protection, and past pain. We recognize a trigger when we have emotional reactivity.

How to Identify Intuition:

• There’s a sense of ‘knowing’ more than a logical or highly emotional response.
• It is instantly felt and fluid.
• It feels definitive, and you don’t overanalyze it.
• It feels ‘right’, simple, and comfortable.
• It feels loving, supportive, and expansive.
• It feels present.

How to Identify Triggers:

• It feels highly emotional or causes a feeling of anxiety, and may even trigger physical symptoms like a headache or stomach ache.
• It triggers an adrenal response and activates your ‘flight, fight, or freeze’ response.
• It can feel repetitive, loud or demanding, causing overanalyzing and ruminating.
• It can feel confusing, causing you to question, ‘what if this happened or that happened’.
• It feels harsh or restrictive.
• It’s usually about fears of something happening in the future, scenarios that have not happened yet.

When have you unknowingly sabotaged a relationship by confusing intuition and triggers?

Learn more about how you can book a SPEAK UP SESSION with me by clicking here. Let’s get a handle on that difficult situation, and come up with an empowered way to speak up as a woman of value!

 Are you at a loss for words when it comes to expressing yourself—especially when it feels vulnerable or scary? In this video, I share an example of the power of speaking up with a story from my past.

—

What conversation are you avoiding? Maybe you’re afraid of speaking up to ask your boyfriend if he’s shut down his online profile (because you’re already sleeping together). Or you KNOW you deserve a raise, but your boss hasn’t given you a promotion in over a year. It’s scary to ask for what you want, to speak up and stand up for something that’s important to you. In this video, I speak about the importance of having your voice heard. And I share a vulnerable story about how I finally learned to SPEAK UP to someone from my past and get the closure I needed. 

The Importance of Speaking Up

Do you have trouble speaking up?

If you avoid speaking up when your feelings are hurt—when you feel strongly about something, when you’re not sure where you stand with a boyfriend or friend…whatever it is, it’s critical that you find your voice and SPEAK UP!

This is why I do what I do, because I KNOW full well what it feels like to stay quiet, to not ask, to not speak up. And, I made myself a promise many years ago that I didn’t want to see women repeat MY mistake.

Because while speaking up might be hard at first, not knowing what could have happened if you actually did speak up is even harder (and it’s usually so much better than you imagined)!

I want to invite you to reach out to me.

It doesn’t matter if you’re struggling with speaking up at work, with a family member, with your neighbor or in a relationship — I WILL SUPPORT YOU to not only find your courage, but to also find just the right words — without getting angry or yelling.

I invite you to go to this link for more information about my Speak Up Sessions, where we will spend an hour working together. Or email me at sandy@lastfirstdate.com, and let’s talk about bringing your truth to the surface. It’s time. 

Learn more and book your SPEAK UP SESSION today!

Mary Shores, author of Conscious Communications, discusses what it means to be cleansing or clogging your relationships. Check it out!

—

My radio guest, Mary Shores is an author, speaker, and entrepreneur, generating positive and pragmatic solutions for people who are freaking out. Mary blends personal experience with her extensive knowledge of neuroscience and human behavior to guide businesses and individuals to defeat the freak out and create their ideal life.

Mary joined me to discuss her new book, Conscious Communications: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Harnessing the Power of Your Words to Change Your Mind, Your Choices, and Your Life. We dove into so many juicy topics; changing neural pathways in your brain, the importance of linking past trauma to your relationships today, and how to know if you’re cleansing or clogging your relationships and your life.

Highlights below for episode #304: Are you cleansing or clogging your relationships?

Are You Cleansing Or Clogging Your Relationships?

What do you mean by cleanse or clog your relationships?

We’re living in a time where infinite possibilities are available to all of us. We’re always manifesting and creating things, putting out to the universe what we want, but it doesn’t always get us the results we want. It’s because we can get pulled in so many directions.

Every choice we make is either creating a connection to what we want or driving a disconnection. Cleanse or clog. An example is, if I were on a diet to lose ten pounds, I don’t necessarily need to learn a complicated diet plan. I can ask myself if the food has good nutrients [and will cleanse me], or if it [is unhealthy and] will clog me.

It’s easy to understand that we want to make cleansing connections in all our relationships.

What’s the concept of attracting who you are?

As women, we can be in denial of attracting who we are. If you’re in a pattern of attracting unavailable men, you might ask how you can be unavailable when you’re the one putting yourself out there.

I learned the hard way that I had an energetic signature [of being emotionally unavailable] that I wasn’t acknowledging. I had a lot of trauma early in life, and over time, I began to hunch over. It was one of the ways I was unconsciously protecting my heart.

I went through therapy to heal my spinal issue. It’s also important to heal inside, as our bodies store everything that happens to us. People energetically pick up on these things.

What are some steps to change your neural pathways for positive change?

We’ve implanted patterns in childhood based on our belief systems. We have automatic responses to these patterns. Alignment is when thoughts, words, actions and behavior patterns are all moving in the direction you want.

Steps to change your neural pathways and become aligned are available for free in the Daily Desires Diary. (See note below to get yours):

1. Create a daily gratitude practice. Write down three things you’re grateful for. When you take a moment every day to be grateful, you’re building a muscle in your brain to look for what’s good and increase serotonin, which makes you feel better. Also, remember to be grateful for your skills and talents. The more you strengthen, the more it will grow.

2. Write down your three most proud moments of the day, and celebrate the small wins.

3. Write down three things you desire.

Understand that your stories define who you become. Reframing is so important, so it doesn’t become your identity. I’ve gone through enough challenges for five lifetimes. If I focused on only that, it would put me in victimhood. What’s the slice of your story that’s triumph over victim? It’s what built your character. It’s what makes you resilient.

Listen to the entire episode by clicking the player below. You don’t want to miss this one.

And stay connected to Mary!

Join her Facebook Group: Fearless Ambition

*Mary is offering a free Daily Desires Diary bundle which includes the Daily Desires Diary, a new daily practice to help you reflect, set goals, and take action, as well as a bonus excerpt of Conscious Communications to jumpstart your motivation. The link is: http://maryshores.com/desiresdiary-bundle

It’s really really important to have our podcast reviewed. If our show has provided value or helped you in any way over the years, please:

1. Leave us a review on iTunes and share how the show has helped you or inspired you to move ahead. Here’s our show on iTunes.

AND, here’s a quick tutorial on how to leave a review via your computer or phone.

2. Share with your friends, family and colleagues. If you’ve got people in your life who are looking for a good dating and relationship podcast to subscribe to, recommend Last First Date Radio!

Listen to/download the entire episode here:

Want more love and less conflict in your relationships? Learn how to communicate effectively with my guest, Jonathan Robinson.

—

My podcast guest, Jonathan Robinson, is a psychotherapist, a bestselling author of 12 books, and he has been a frequent guest on Oprah and CNN. In addition, his work has been featured in USA Today and Newsweek. He recently wrote a book called “More Love, Less Conflict”, and he was on my show to talk about all things related to relationships, communication, and how to create more love and less conflict in your life.

Check out the show notes below for episode #312: More Love, Less Conflict Using Effective Communication Tools.

Listen to/download this episode:

How to Have More Love and Less Conflict in Relationships

How long have you been married? Do you and your wife have an easy, no conflict relationship?

I’ve been married 20 years. I was blessed to have an incredibly dysfunctional family growing up, and I had a midlife crisis at age 12. I began reading self-help books, and I eventually stopped being shy and depressed. When I met my wife, I had already done a ton of work to heal myself. We haven’t had an argument in over five years.

Is it healthy to never have disagreements in a relationship?

It’s normal to have disagreements, but arguments can harm a relationship. When my wife and I start to get stressed, we say, “Red Light”. That’s a sign we have to take a two-minute break and calm down. It can help so much.

How do you know when it’s time to take a break?

For me, when I’m talking really fast, or interrupting my wife, I know it’s time to take a break. Find what works for you. This method can work with your friends, family, and anyone in your life. We’re not taught how to speak in a way that leads to healthier relationships.

The three keys to happiness are, relationships, relationships, relationships. And the key to a good relationship is communication.

With the divorce rate almost reaching 50% of all married couples, why do you think so many couples are having a hard time?

I think things are more stressed than ever before. We have WMD: Widgets of Mass Destruction! We communicate through Facebook, email, and texting. We don’t have the quality and depth of deep connection and understanding.

There’s an epidemic of loneliness and suicide due to a lack of connection. In my opinion, this problem can be solved in about an hour. Effective communication skills change everything—even the amount of money you make. So much of work success depends on how you learn to communicate with your peers.

What is one thing people can do to quickly improve the quality of their relationships?

Studies show the best predictor of happiness in a relationship is the amount of appreciation each gives. Every day, I tell my wife, “What I appreciate about you is _______________. ”

Our culture tends to focus on superficial forms of appreciation and connection, which leaves us hungry for love and understanding.

On my website, I have a list of 12 questions that lead to instant intimacy. One is, “If you really knew me, you would know ____________________.”

Another is, “Right now, I’m feeling ___________.” “Right now, I’m wanting __________________.”

What’s a final message you want to share with our audience?

Women appreciate understanding and empathy, and they don’t like when men want to fix things. Men would do well to give women 30 seconds of empathy.

Men tend to be very results-oriented, and they want to be a hero, so use praise instead of complaints as a way of shaping his behavior.

Let go of blame, and get back to a place where you know love is the most important thing. It’s worth investing money, time, and energy to learn these tools. It’s not just an investment in yourself. Everyone will benefit and reach a place of understanding and connection.

***

Click here for a free download of the 12 “Instant Intimacy” questions, plus an article about the top 3 skills couples need to be happy.

It’s really really important to have our podcast reviewed. If our show has provided value or helped you in any way over the years, please:

1. Leave us a review on iTunes and share how the show has helped you or inspired you to move ahead. Here’s our show on iTunes.

AND, here’s a quick tutorial on how to leave a review via your computer or phone.

2. Share with your friends, family and colleagues. If you’ve got people in your life who are looking for a good dating and relationship podcast to subscribe to, recommend Last First Date Radio!

My podcast guest, Doug Noll, teaches how to de-escalate anger and conflict in three easy steps. I highly recommend you check this out.

—

My podcast guest, Douglas E. Noll is an expert at teaching people how to de-escalate anger. He’s a lawyer turned peacemaker. His calling is to serve humanity, and he executes his calling at many levels. Doug’s work carries him into many dark places. Using pragmatic and practical skills of peace, he helps people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts.

He is an award-winning author of three books, a teacher, speaker, and a trainer. We discussed his fourth book, De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less on episode #322: A Three Step Method to De-Escalate Anger With Doug Noll. 

Highlights: How to Quickly De-Escalate Anger

NOTE: Listen to the beginning of the podcast to hear why Doug Noll left his successful law practice and became a peacemaker. Discover how he came up with his unique tools for de-escalating conflict. And listen to several inspirational stories about a lawsuit that was resolved through his technique, and the prisoners he has helped to de-escalate anger and violence.

What is the fastest way to de-escalate anger or conflict?

Label emotions with a simple ‘you’ statement.

When you use “I” statements (which are most commonly used in conflict resolution), it puts you on the speaker’s track (ie, it’s about YOU, not them), not the listener’s track. To be effective, use a simple “YOU” statement. For example, “You are angry, because you feel sad that there’s no one there to support you.”

Our culture diminishes emotions. We are uncomfortable with them, especially in the beginning of a relationship.

Then, use this three-step process to de-escalate anger:

1. Ignore the words for the next 90 seconds.
2. Pay attention to the emotions. We’re hard-wired for non-verbal communication, especially when emotional. It occurs much faster.
3. Guess the emotion. It’s usually obvious. “You’re pissed off.” Watch what happens. Then guess again, “You’re really frustrated.” Emotions come in six layers. Eventually, you get to the place where the speaker says, “Yeah, exactly!”

We’re validating at the deepest level of existence. You acknowledge them for who they are and what they’re experiencing.

When people get really emotional, they are unable to identify and label their emotions or think clearly. They can’t process their emotions.

When we ‘affect label’, we are helping them name their own feelings. We’re lending them our prefrontal cortex so they can process their emotions.

Incredible things happen to the one who’s angry and the listener. The listener becomes egoless. It’s a spiritual practice.

We’ve been taught to emotionally invalidate since we’re two years old. You scrape your knee, and you’re told, “Don’t be a sissy.” We should be training how to have control over emotional reactivity.

Over time, this invalidation causes cancer, addictive disorder, and so much more.

Teach others how to affect label you. “I’m feeling frustrated and nervous. Can you tell it back to me.”
You can’t be a mind reader in a relationship.

Many people have trouble knowing what they feel and need. How do you help people identify their needs?

After de-escalating, we work on naming more emotions. They eventually learn to affect-label themselves. They soon become aware of their emotional needs.

How can single women use this powerful technique to build a bond with a man quickly?

When she can label a man’s emotional experience, men start falling in love with her.

Go someplace where it’s socially low-risk, like Starbuck’s. Look at a stranger who’s in line or the barista. Ascertain their emotional experience. You can say something like, “You look excited to be here right now”. See if they light up. One simple validation is all it takes. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Can you tell our audience about the free online master class you’re offering?

Go to dougnoll.com/stopanger. In this free 40-minute webinar, you’ll learn how Doug’s clients use the the new science of human behavior to de-escalate anger and verbal aggression.

• Learn more about my guest, Doug Noll, here. And don’t forget to buy his book, De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less.
  
• Please take a moment to rate and review our show on iTunes here. Thank you!
  
• Click below to schedule a complimentary 1/2 hour Love Breakthrough Session to learn how coaching with Sandy can help you finally attract in the love you deserve. 
  

Many of us have trouble showing empathy in dating and relationships. In this video, I reveal three ways to show empathy and help you connect deeply.

—

Do you know how to show empathy in dating or when you’re in a relationship? Empathy is one of the most important skills in life. In this video, you’ll learn three elements of empathy that are critical if you want to forge deep, intimate relationships.

Empathy in Dating and Relationships

Brené Brown says, “By receiving empathy, not only do we understand how good it feels to be heard and accepted, we also come to better understand the strength and courage it takes to be vulnerable and share the need for empathy in the first place.”

If we can’t give and receive empathy, we can’t be vulnerable, and we can’t connect deeply to anyone, especially our romantic partner. Empathy is a skill that can be taught. It’s a skill that I learned later in life, and it’s brought me closer to everyone I love.

In this video, you’ll learn:

What is empathy?

• You see the world as others see it. This means putting your own “stuff” aside to see the situation through someone else’s eyes.

• You’re nonjudgmental. When you judge someone’s experience, it discounts what they went through. We often do it to protect ourselves from the pain of the situation.

• You understand someone else’s feelings. Todo that, we need to first identify our own feelings. Again, this requires putting our own “stuff” aside to focus on the other person.

• You communicate your understanding of someone else’s feelings. It’s hard for many of us to communicate how we hear someone’s feelings and experience. When we hear someone talk about going through a tough time, many of us say things like, “At least you…” or “It could be worse…”. Instead, try, “I’ve been there, and that really hurts,” or to quote Brené Brown, “It sounds like you are in a hard place now. Tell me more about it.”

Where do you struggle with empathy, especially on a date or in a romantic relationship? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Want to connect more deeply and authentically on dates? In this video, I show you 5 ways to be more vulnerable on your road to true love.

—

Why would you want to be more vulnerable in dating? According to Brené Brown, “Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control. In fact, vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences. It’s the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you. In you, it’s courage and daring. In me, it’s weakness.”

5 Ways to Be More Vulnerable in Dating

I love this quote, because it speaks to my heart and the mission of my coaching; helping women connect to men in a heart-to-heart way. Vulnerability is scary but it’s also essential if we want to have deep love.

Watch the video to learn five ways to become more vulnerable in dating. When you’re more vulnerable, you connect more authentically and deeply with a potential partner. If you want a meaningful relationship, you’re going to want to work on your ability to be more vulnerable.

5 Ways to Be More Vulnerable in Dating

Quick summary of the five points I cover in the video:

1) Accept that you’re a Woman of Value. If you want a loving relationship, you must view yourself as a woman worthy of love and all that life has to offer.

2) Stop worrying about what others think. Another key to being more vulnerable is tuning in and taking a stand for what’s right for YOU, not what others think is right for you. Get comfortable with feeling exposed and uncertain.

3) Stop trying to be perfect. Your imperfections are what makes you human and relatable. Amp those quirks up. Don’t try to hide them and show up as having it all together at all times. that’s boring and unrealistic!

4) Share your feelings with those you trust. Find the right people who align with your values, people who you have built trust with over time, and share how you really feel. Do this with family, friends, and eventually your true love.

5) Ask for help. This one seems simple enough, but it’s one of the hardest things we do. If you want to have a healthy, lasting, loving relationship, you MUST ask for help. It’s selfish not to. Sounds counterintuitive, but listen to the video to find out why.

How will you be more vulnerable? Share one thing you’ll do differently to connect more deeply on dates.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio, you’ll learn the 3 keys to great communication from a psychologist. Check out the effective tools she shares here.

—

My podcast guest, Susanna Mittermaier, is a psychologist and the founder of Pragmatic Psychology. She is also the author of the #1 international bestselling book, Practical Tools for Being Crazy Happy, and she’s a certified facilitator for Right Voice for You, by Access Consciousness®. A highly sought after public speaker, Susanna offers a new paradigm of therapy called Pragmatic Psychology. She is known for her ability to transform people’s problems and difficulties into possibilities and powerful choices.

Check out highlights below, and download/listen to this episode as we discuss the three keys to great communication, from first date to a building a relationship.

The 3 Keys to Great Communication

What drew you to specialize in relationships and communication?

I became a psychotherapist in Sweden. Relationship is a big topic there, because we’re in relationships all the time. To find effective ways to create great relationships is something all people seek.

I never desired a relationship. I was happy by myself. I wasn’t looking for a man. One day, I was asking [the universe] for something greater, and I didn’t put a definition on it. I didn’t know what it looked like. I wanted something nurturing, creative, expansive to show up in my life. And soon after that, I met [the man I’m with today].

The model I had seen for relationship wasn’t good. I didn’t desire that in my life for the future. But, having this guy in my life, I started to ask questions about what else is possible. I found a way to create a relationship that makes me happy!

How can someone get clear on what they really want in a relationship?

Ask yourself, “What do I know now about relationships?” That’s our fixed definition about how we do relationships. Next, ask yourself, “If I could be totally me, what do I know and how would I create a relationship?”

You’ll find ways that work for you. Most of us have no clue when we start out. To find out what you want in a relationship, acknowledge that it’s okay to not know.

I love this tool; Everything that makes you feel light and expansive and happy…that’s your truth. You’re on the path of doing something that works for you. When you notice yourself doing something that has a heaviness to it, dragging you down or contracting, that’s a lie. It’s not your true version of life. Follow what’s light. [Don’t lead with your head, but with a felt sense of what’s light and right.]

It’s a lie that there’s a lack in your life when you don’t have a partner. Ask yourself, “Do I have a need, or have I invented that need?” Tap into the energy of each. Check what you know, and what’s true for you.

Before you add someone into your life, start enjoying your own company. Take yourself out on a date. Where would you go? What flowers would you buy yourself? Then, the man in your life will be an addition.

What’s the difference between being needy and having needs?

When children are needy, they get attention. This becomes a strategy we keep on using to get what we want. But, it keeps our lives small and in the lie of lack. If you look at what you want from desire instead, ask what will it take, how can I create it? You’re not dependent on someone else.

Relationships bring up the lie of lack. Many don’t want to look at this. It’s uncomfortable to be courageous and vulnerable and ask yourself how can I change this, rather than what is my partner not doing.

Most women start a relationship to fix the man. He is not a restoration project. Ask yourself, if he never changes, can I live with that?

SUPER RELATIONSHIP TOOL: Let go of all expectations, projections, rejections, and judgments you have of others. Every night, let it go. Start new every day, as if you’ve never met the person. Stop taking everything personally! Practice asking, does this really have anything to do with me? You can ask your partner, “I’d so like to judge you, but I don’t have enough information. Can you help me?” Ask for help from vulnerability.

What are the three keys to great communication?

1. Allowance: Don’t agree, don’t align, don’t resist, don’t react. Just allow what is in the present.
2. No expectations: Allows you to see the person in the moment and discover the new everyday.
3. Look at who you are dealing with: Some people are direct and some are not. Know who you’re talking with, so you know if there are ‘subtitles’ when they talk or if they mean what they say. Do you need to interpret, or can you take the person at face value? What are they really saying? Ask them to help you try to understand. When you say, ‘Can you help me please?’, it’s amazing, as you come from vulnerability not confrontation or anger.

Learn more about Susanna here: https://www.susannamittermaier.com/

Please take a moment to subscribe, rate, and review our show on iTunes here. Thank you so much!

Want to finally attract the epic love you deserve? Schedule your complimentary 1/2 hour Love Breakthrough Session. Learn how coaching with Sandy can help you fall in love with a partner who meets you on every level. https://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough

Are there conversations you’re avoiding? My podcast guest, Chris Hughes, shares excellent tips for speaking up in any difficult situation.

—

Are there any conversations you’re avoiding? My podcast guest, Chris Hughes, shared wonderful tips about how to speak up on tough issues. He is a facilitator of consciousness and an arts and antiques curator. He earned his degree in Opera and Song at the University of Western Ontario, later working in professional opera, singing telegrams, voiceovers for video games, cartoons and elevators. Chris moved to Australia to complete a master’s in integrated Marketing and Communications at QUT. He is Managing Director and curator at the Antique Guild in Brisbane and Vice President of Australian Antique an Art Dealers Association. He facilitates classes for Right Voice for You, a program of Access Consciousness, and he wants to help people “live beautifully.”

Check out the show notes and recording for EP 376: How to Have the Conversations You’re Avoiding.

How to Have the Conversations You’re Avoiding

How do you ask for what you want in a relationship?

In my relationship, I have a tendency to say ‘yes’ to everything. My husband has a tendency to say ‘no’. We’ve both learned to take a moment and ourselves whether it actually works for us. Follow what brings the most joy and is lightest to you.

Our relationship with money is totally different. I like to shop, he likes to save. Recently, we had a good month and made a lot of money. I told him to go shopping, and he came back with four pairs of socks. Some people might say, “Why can’t he have fun like I do?” ‘Like I do’ is the problem.

How can you ask for what you want without shame or guilt?

I ask myself two questions:
“What do they expect of me?” That’s a projection of what I should do.
“What do they require of me?” This will create change.

How do you overcome the need to be right?

Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself, “Is it more important that I’m right or free? Right or happy?” Be willing to not have all the answers, and own that you’re not perfect. Ask the Universe to show you another possibility.

How do you have the conversations you’re avoiding?

People usually avoid difficult conversations when there’s an expectation about what’s going to happen if they have that conversation. For example, in business, if you need to tell a member of your staff you’re unhappy with their behavior.

We stop ourselves from speaking up, because we’re afraid of how others will perceive us. Someone can’t change their behavior unless we speak up and say it doesn’t work for us. State what’s true for you. It can create space for something totally different to turn up.

What are your final words of wisdom for listeners who want to go on their last first date?

Give up any idea as to what the last first date is supposed to be. Be willing to go on an adventure. Ask yourself, “if I was really being me, what would that look like?”

Learn more about Chris https://mrchristopherhughes.com

Please take a moment to rate and review our show on iTunes here. Thank you!

Want to finally attract the epic love you deserve? Schedule your complimentary 1/2 hour Love Breakthrough Session. Learn how coaching with Sandy can help you fall in love with a partner who meets you on every level. https://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough

Click to join the Your Last First Date Facebook Group.